The biggest predictor of divorce | Shannon Curry and Lex Fridman

so contempt is criticism on steroidsthis is what John gottman calls sulfuricacid for love nothing will erode arelationship quicker than contemptcontempt is when you are looking at yourpartner from a superior position so youare eye rolling you are name callingum there's a mockery mocking evenphysical mockery imitating themimitating their voice contempt is meantto just take the legs out from yourpartner make them feel patheticridiculousum and it can be abusive butum most people have engaged in contemptat some point in their relationshiplower level would be sort of the eyerolling but that is the biggestpredictor of a split if you allowyourself to think yeah that mockery orcontempt just a little bitit's like this weird slippery slope sureis and the opposite is truewhere I just look at a person think wowisn't that the most like wonderfulcreature I've ever seen in my life likejust think that and you notice thelittle details about who they are and soI just observe them the way you observelike a weird like peacock at a zoo orsomething like that attention ispowerful isn't it yeah and it changes ityou start to notice beautiful things andthen letuh the things that annoy you yes likejust you're exactly right you'retouching on some really important thingsso in relationships we actually knowthat wearing rose-colored glasses isimportant it's healthy we need itum and it's a choice you're baking rightso there is a saying that uh gettingmarried is just choosing one person'sfaults over another and the reality isthat we may become infatuated withsomebody else as human beings love is anemotion attraction is emotion an emotionand as you go through life even ifyou're in a committed relationship youmight see Beauty in another and thatperson who is novel might seemattractive to you but if you canremember that they too have a set ofproblems that you would be marrying itreally helps you to see the beauty inyour partner again and recognize all oftheir incredible strengths and all theways we meld with the person become ourown family almost become I mean ourlives intertwine and we grow those oaktrees so as you by the way it's a line Iread somewhere that uh when you'rewearing rose-colored glasses all the RedFlags looks just like FlagsI think it's a good it's a good line uhso you so you think that humans arefundamentally all of us arefundamentally flawed or have flawsthey're unique flaws and that basicallyrelationships is just the way to umfigure out how the two can fit togetherright and we're different so no matterwhat we're going to have differences weare raised differently than our partnerwe have different stories differentexperiences that shaped our valuesystems especially when it comes to thebig ones like parenting love moneyum these principles that are based inour historywe're going to have differences so areis this a set of differences you canaccept from somebody and work with dothe benefits and their strengthsum do they make it worth it or is it arethey deal breaker differences