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Trump Train Visit Cold Open – SNL

Trump Visits East Palestine, Ohio After Train Derailment; Georgia Grand Jury Foreman Emily Kohrs in Attendance

  • Former President Trump addressed East Palestine, Ohio following a train derailment
  • He noted the difficulty of the town’s situation and brought McDonald’s and hats for the residents
  • He also blamed Pete Buttigieg for the derailment
  • Emily Kohrs, foreman of the Georgia Grand Jury investigating Trump, was a surprise guest and she refused to share information about the case
  • Trump thanked her for almost having him indicted and mentioned his admiration for her.

Mystery Surrounds Train Blame, Schitts Creek and Rihanna Mentioned During Saturday Night Live

  • The train was blamed
  • The dogs are all dead
  • “Schitt’s Creek,” Rihanna, and Pete Butt were mentioned
  • “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” was also mentioned.

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>>> YOU'RE WATCHING C-SPAN.UP NEXT, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP ADDRESSES RESIDENTS OF EAST PALESTINE, OHIO FOLLOWING THIS MONTH'S TRAIN DERAILMENT.[ APPLAUSE ]>> HELLO, EVERYONE.HELLO.IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THETOWN OF EAST PALESTINE, NOT A GREAT NAME.BUT I HAD TO COME HERE AND SEE THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ABANDONED BY BIDEN.HE'S ON SPRING BREAK IN UKRAINE WITH HIS FRIEND ZELENSKYY IN THET-SHIRT, VERY DISRESPECTFUL.ZELENSKYY THINKS HE'S ROCKING THAT RINGADEE LIKE SCOTT PILGRIM.BUT I'M HERE, AND I BROUGHT HATS.CAMERAS AND HATS BECAUSE IT'S TERRIBLE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.EARLIER TODAY, A FARMER CAME UP TO ME, BIG FELLA, AND HE SAID, SIR, WE HAVE NOTHING TO EAT BECAUSE OUR DIRT IS POISON, AND I SAID, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGEATING THE DIRT?DON'T EAT THE DIRT, FOLKS.YOU SHOULD BE EATING THE COLD McDONALD'S I BROUGHT YOU, AND TRUMP ICE.I'LL BE HONEST, I JUST PUT MY STICKER ON SOME DASANI.WE LIKE TO SAY DASANI.I'VE HEARD ALL ABOUT YOUR SITUATION WITH THE WATER, BUT I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR RIVER, AND IT'S SO SHINY.I'VE NEVER SEEN WATER SO BEAUTIFUL.BEAUTIFUL RAINBOWS AND DISCOLORATION.IT'S GREAT.IT'S WEARING MAKEUP.FENTY BEAUTY WATER.FENTY BY RIHANNA.BY THE WAY, SHE WAS PREGNANT DOING SUPER BOWL.CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?I SAID, OF COURSE SHE IS.SHE'S NOT MOVING AT ALL.SHE WAS JUST DOING ARMS THE WHOLE TIME.BUT YOUR TRAIN EXPLODED.AND WHO DO WE BLAME?WHO DO WE BLAME?WE BLAME BUTTIGIEG.PETE BUTTIGIEG.THIS WAS HIS RESPONSIBILITY.UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS TOO BUSY BEING A NERD AND BEING GAY TO HAVE DEALT WITH THE VERY MUCH MORE IMPORTANT ISSUE OF SHOULD DRAINS HAVE BIG POISON.AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I CALL HIM PETE BUTT.I CALL HIM PETE BUTT.THERE'S NO WAY AROUND IT.THAT'S JUST THE BEST ONE.BELIEVE ME, I'VE TRIED IT EVERY WHICH WAY, AND IT REALLY DOESN'TGET BETTER THAN PETE BUTT.BUT THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED UNDER MY ADMINISTRATION.PEOPLE ARE SAYING I MADE THE TRAINS LESS SAFE.NOT TRUE.OKAY?NOT TRUE.I DID A LOT FOR TRAINS.I MADE THEM BIGGER, FASTER, LESSSAFE PERHAPS, BUT I'M PAYING MY RESPECTS BECAUSE YOUR TRAIN EXPLODED AND NOW YOUR BIRDS AND FISH ARE ALL DEAD.WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND NOT HEAR THE BEAUTIFUL CHIRPING OF BIRDS AND INSTEAD HEAR TRAINS EXPLODING AND DERAILING ALL OVERTHE PLACE.YOUR TOWN IS HURTING.THAT'S WHY YOU NEED ME.I FEEL LIKE I COULD "SCHITT'S CREEK" THIS PLACE, RIGHT?BUT I NEED BIG EYEBROWS.YOU WATCH "SCHITT'S CREEK"?NO, YOU GUYS WATCH YELLOW STONE.THE DUTTONS.ANYWAY, I HAVE A SURPRISE GUEST THIS WEEK.IT'S THE FOREMAN OF THE GEORGIA GRAND JURY INVESTIGATING ME.IT'S EMILY KOHRS.>> THIS IS SO COOL.FIRST GIULIANI AND NOW YOU. >> SHE'S AN ODD DUCK, BUT WE LIKE HER.SHE'S EITHER 70 OR 40, BUT WE CAN'T TELL.SHE'S GOT A BIG SECRET FOR SUCH A LITTLE LADY. >> POTENTIALLY.I MIGHT.I DON'T KNOW.>> WOW.WE DON'T LIKE THAT.WE DON'T LIKE THAT SOUND.BECAUSE SHE KNOWS IF I'M GETTINGINDICTED.SHE'S HEAD JUROR, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?THEY ELECTED HER.THEY'LL ELECT ANYONE.I STARTED THAT.SO COME ON, SPILL THE TEA.COME ON. >> NOPE.YOU JUST WANT ME TO RUIN THE CASE.BUT I GUESS I CAN SAY WE HAVE BEEN SAYING YOUR NAME A LOT.>> CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?THEY ALMOST HAD ME, AND THEN THIS LITTLE HORSE GIRL COMES IN AND SAVES THE DAY.THANK YOU, EMILY.>> FAIR THEE WELL. >> DO WE LIKE HER?SHE LOOKS LIKE HALEY JOEL OSMENT, AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND.WELL, I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE SOON BECAUSE THE AIR IS FULL OF POISON.BUT EVERYBODY IN OHIO ALWAYS ASKS ME, WHAT DO I DO NOW?THERE'S POISON GAS IN THE AIR.COULD BE A GOOD THING.I KNOW SOME OF THE HUSBANDS ARE HAPPY TO HAVE THE STINKY GAS AS AN EXCUSE.HONEY, DID YOU PASS GAS?NO, IT WAS THE TRAIN.BLAME THE TRAIN, RIGHT?YOU WOULD NORMALLY BLAME THE DOG, BUT THEY'RE ALL DEAD NOW, AREN'T THEY?SO IN CONCLUSION, "SCHITT'S CREEK," RIHANNA, PETE BUTT, AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!