Jordan Schlansky’s Origin Story | Team Coco Radio

I'm here with a very special guest atthe moment this is someoneI get asked about more than anyone elseI've worked within late night Wherever I Gowherever I go in the worlduh probably once a day people come up tome and saywhat's the deal with Jordan schlansky heis a phenomenon so I thought I'd haveJordan come in sit down and maybe we'dtalk about this and see if we can'tfigure outuh what this relationship is uh reallyall about so sitting here is GeorgeLansky hello Jordan hiare you close enough to the microphoneyou have to tell me that's not myresponsibility okay well why don't youput the microphone a little closer toyour mouthyou are being an incredible prickalready I didn't realize it wasfunctioning as an audio engineer but I'mhappy to comply okay I'm not an audioengineer but I could tell immediately Idon't know how these are calibratedyou've been in this studio many timesthis is my first appearance okay you ifyou're listening right now and you'redriving and you're uh clenching thewheel angrily uh I apologize that'sbecauselike me when someone comes on and takesan arrogantinhuman tone you get upset why would youassume I know how many inches this ismeant to be from my mouth that's likequite an assumption that's a great Pointhow many inches is this from my mouthyou just opened yourself up to I mean ifthe Impractical Jokers right now were onthe line they'd be having a blast youhow many inches is this from my mouthJordan let's get started before you getcombative or strange please answer thesequestions succinctly how did you come towork for me do you remember the year Ido the year was 1994. I was an unpaidintern initially and then I was hired tocontinue my employment okay so youstarted out as an intern and then some idiot decided to hire you onpermanently and you were paid and theneventually you got a title on the showwhich wasoh I don't remember what I started atthere were news titles yes I'm surethere were numerous what was the titleyou ended up with associate producerright man if there's ever been a vagueterm uh it would have to be associateproducer because we started using you onthe show and when I say using you I meanfeaturing you as a personality becauseyou're so unusual I think it was uhFrank Smiley I'll give Frank Smiley thecredit Frank's my longtime producer onour show said Jordan's fascinating weneed to get him on camera I thought thatwas kind of immoral you know uh in a wayto take advantage of someone with yourlimitations and exploit you but Frankwas determined and we did and so I Ialso blame Frank for empowering youum Frank do Frank's here by the wayFrank well do you rememberum Jordan worked on the show and thenyou one day said uh we got to get thisguy on on camera well I meanit was an easy softball for you to hitout of the park every time because wehad this relationship and it wasn'tbeing recorded yes the relationship thatpeople see in these remotes wasbasically going on in the office everysingle day yes and people think oh isthis an act no it's not an act becauseit was going on for several years beforewe you even thought to put this oncamera that's right it was during thewriter's strike when we were desperateforum material that wasn't that didn't needany writing yeah you just needed me andJordan in a room together and stuffwould start to happen right because heso naturallyum provocative yes there's nobody likeJordan andumhe's a strange man yeah and uh it um youknow it's obvious that America loves himyeah America has taken you to itsCollective bosom I do mean bosom JordanI swear to God almost every day peopleask me what's the deal with Jordan myson loves in and out the In-N-Outhamburger chain here in Californiaand a bunch of years ago we're passingone and my son is really hungry and hesays hey can we go to In and Out and Isay sure thing so we pull over into theparking lot and my son goes into placehis orderand uh uh I'm standing outside the cara truck a semi truck screeches to a haltthe driver puts it in neutral and putson the emergency brake jumps out andruns across the highwayand says to me I just have to know isJordan realthat's the kind of I mean he this guythre he put his life in danger to findout if you are real I still don't havethe answer I still don't know exactlywhat you did on our show what does anassociate producer do what was your jobwhat did you do for us why did we payyou uh well across the entertainmentindustry the title associate producer issomewhat variable I had a multitude ofresponsibilities geared towards thesmooth operation of the show okay againwhat a cloud of nonsense well I couldtell you uh what one of myresponsibilities was not and that wasnot to explain to you what I do okay ohokay so that was not your job let meexplain to people listening right nowif you're familiar at all with thedefense mechanisms behind a modernnuclear sub here's how it works if it'sattacked what happens is that the theenemy ship fires a torpedo at it thathomes in on the large metallic structurethat is the sub as it gets close one ofthe things that the sub that's beingattacked can do is it can shoot out alot of metal shards and junk out of theside and that distracts the missile soit veers off and attacks the space thejunk that's been emitted and doesn't hitthe actual sub that's what you do everytime I ask you what do you do for a jobyou open your mouth and you eject abunch of and it misdirects thequestion uh the question explodesharmlessly often the Briny deep and yoursub is saved and you you seem to takepride in your own ignorance as to myresponsibilities as if this is somethingyou should be bragging about notunderstanding what your employees doit's not my responsibility to explain toyou it's a belabor every detail of whatI do what the real question is what areyou doing right nowwhat are you doing to fill your time I'mdoing a Serious XM do you realize whatan honor it is to get channel 106. doyou know what was on channel 106 beforeI took it over do you consider this afull-time occupation I don't know I'mreally enjoying it and I think you'rejust bitter that you're not able to skimuh any of your own cashola off my off mySirius XM gig I think you're angry thatyou can't be associate producer ofSiriusXM channel 106. I'm indifferentI'm here to ask the question answer thequestions that you asked me well I loveit when different people start shoutingat meI'm completely indifferent