America’s Bizarro Weather | Buttigieg Finally Visits Ohio | Fox Frets Over “Woke” Legos

[Applause]welcome welcome to the Late ShowI am I am your host Stephen Colbertladies and gentlementhank you so muchthank you to everybody who waited inline to get any here tonight how aboutthat weather seriouslyseriously what is happening with thatweather I'm scared Sam Champion hold mescared because right now most of thecountry is being blasted by aCoast-to-Coast three-day winter stormwhile the southeast is getting recordheat even the TV people think theweather is strange just when you thoughtFebruary couldn't get any weirderyesterday's bizarre weather patternsslid through the area this wild weatherit's absolutely crazy what a wild surfyou know Bizarro thing to happen thistime of year it is Bizarroyou're traveling through anotherdimension a dimension not only of Sightand Sound but of mine there's a signpostup ahead your next stopThe Weather Channel[Laughter][Applause][Music]I should be I really should be smokingnow experts say experts say that climatechange is making winter weather warmerand weirderwarmer and weirder of course aphenomenon climates experts callBachelor in Paradise[Applause]and weird for the first time in 30 yearsthere's a blizzard warning for LosAngeles that's right things are so coldin Los Angeles Katy Perry updated hersong[Music]the bad weatherevery bit of the Buffalo is what that isthe bad weather is impacting travel withmore than 1600 U.S flight cancellationsand another 5 000 plus flights delayedacross the country bad news fortravelers but great news for Chili's tooChili's too admit it you've got nowhereelse to gonachos babyspeaking of Transit it has been 20 dayssince the horrific train derailment andchemical spill in East Palestine Ohioand today Transportation secretary Petebutterjudge finally visited the site 20days late I'm glad he's not an EMTlet's see here time of deaththree weeks ago[Applause]clear[Laughter]looks like Buddha judge knows he actedtoo slowly admitting that he could havespoken out sooner adding and I wouldhave been here earlier but traffic was amess the trains are a disaster all theflights were canceled someone shouldreally deals with this country'stransportationI had to take a city bikewhen Buddha judge did speak about thetrain he made a little Oopsy Daisy bothinformation and misinformation injectedinto this situation none of which is tothe benefit of the community when itcomes to that misinformation so I thinkso I lost my train of thought oh ohno a terrible brain derailment in EastPalestineif only he'd updated his mouth breaks[Applause]wellresidents of East Palestine aren'twaiting for visits from politiciansthey're waiting for answers on whetherit's safe to stay in their homes sonaturally visiting politicians arereassuring them by barging into theirhouses and performatively drinking thetap water here's Ohio's RepublicanGovernor Mike dewine an EPA ChiefMichael Regan in one residence housethis weekthis is awesomethat's goodreally cold coming from thereI've heard some bad water coolerconversationsthat's a new level Hmm this water isreallyreally cold from the tap I'm also uhgetting notes of wetfun fact I heard I heard it also comesuh solidthe wines not alone multiple Republicanpoliticians went to East Palestine totake a the drink a glass of waterchallenge and convince residents therethat their water is healthy and the airis safe but apparently no one told thatto the GOP Communications office FoxNews this is an environmental disasteryou're not going to convince me thatthat water is healthy and that air issafe locals fear for the future of theplace they call home after that toxictrain derailment East Palestine Ohio hasbecome little Chernobyl the people inChernobyl Midwest are essentially beingnuked right now the town of hisPalestine has effectively been nuked therail disaster in Ohio may be one of theworst environmental disasters we've seenin years come on fellas get your storystraight is the water safe to drink orwill it dissolve your organs it can't bebothbecause that job's taken by Baja BlastMountain Dew hard Seltzer remember theirmotto send in the EPAyou know we make a lot of jokes on theshow about Fox News but it's importantto give them their props when theydeserve it and here's the thing it's a24-hour News Channel and that can behard to fill and I want to salute theirability to just invent outrage out ofabsolutely nothing on a slow news dayand they've done it again they've dugdown deep tossed aside any last scrapsof journalistic integrity and yanked outa new dumb thing to pretend to be mad atand because I also need something totalk about every nightI'm gonna pretend to be mad at them forpretending to be mad about itthe latest totally not real problem Legohas introduced new characters withdifferent skin tones disabilities limbdifference and Vitiligo or as Fox Newsput it like I was going wokeohso mad LegoI'm mad Lego is woke how dare theyupdate their toys what happened to thetotally normal Legos from my youth likebunny from hellTom Selleck trapped in corn and myfavorite woman with too many boobsno six boobs get out of hereI'm not sure what I'm mad about now butFox knows Fox knows what this is allabout politics what's so fascinatingabout this story is the divide in thecountry Republicans think it's insanethat they're forcing identity politicsinto Legos Democrats are upset that theydidn't make a drag queen stripper firstof all all first of all fella Democratsdon't make Legos they're made by a bunchof nerds in Denmark okay so they're madeby socialists secondget your facts straightsecond I don't know why Fox is so upsetabout seeing representation in Legosafter all I'm pretty sure Sean Hannityis onewhat else is going on Tom what else isgoing on that's what I'm talking aboutnow the election okay the uh the 2024election is only a long way awayso everybody's talking about it rightnow the man to beat on the GOP side isthe former president but he's notInvincible according to a recent polleven though 70 percent of Republicanshave a favorable view of the formerpresident Ron DeSantis is beating him 64to 36 percent one Republican focus groupwas asked how they feel when they seethe former president and the majoritypicked words like anxious frustratednervous overwhelmed fatigued embarrassedannoyed maddening side effects of theformer president include insomniadiarrhea dry mouth wet mouth Bourbon andmouth person woman man camera TVnow it's time to weigh in on America'sbig milk controversy specifically whatis it for a long timebig Dairy has been lobbying the FDA toprevent makers of non-dairy milks fromcalling it milk well now the FDA hasissued guidance that says plant-basedbeverages that build themselves as milkcan officially keep using the name thatis a huge win for non-dairy milksespecially all those almonds they keepartificially pregnantkeeping tiny little pens so cruelso hard to get the little pumps on toohardhold stillnowtraditional Dairy Producers have theircurds in a way saying that this rulingenables products to masquerade asanimal-based foods and clouds the realmeaning of milk of course in Sundayschool we all learned the real meaningof milkbe kind to otherswe got a great show for you tonight[Applause]I'm going to talk science[Music]